What do I value? What are my needs in a relationship? What do I want out of life? What are my boundaries?

These personal queries often haunt and overwhelm me, as I find myself morphing into what might be deemed “acceptable” to society.

This begs the question: How much of us is shaped by external forces and expectations? Where does our identity begin and end, and how might we draw clearer lines?

Both in therapy and along my own self-healing journey, I’ve learned more about who I am without forcing myself into a neatly labeled box. Sure, I have room to grow in this area, but my progress is a testament to honest self-reflection.

Here are some tips for getting to know yourself better—no matter how old you are.

1. Spend More Time Alone

I’m convinced the only time most of us are fully ourselves is when we’re completely alone. Perhaps that’s a depressing notion, but it has quite a simple fix.

Take yourself on solo dates or schedule some downtime to unwind without friends or loved ones around. Notice how you feel. Are you uncomfortable in your own company, or do you thrive in isolation? How are you compelled to spend your time? What kind of clothing do you wear? What type of music do you listen to? Do you catch yourself dancing or singing in your kitchen while cooking dinner? What are some quirks you pick up that you wouldn’t otherwise express in public?

The more time we spend alone, the better we get to know ourselves, and the more authentically we can show up in social situations and in our relationships. If you spend too much time around others, you might unconsciously pick up behaviors or patterns you don’t even align with. Push through the uneasiness of solitude—there’s often a lesson within that discomfort. 

2. Journal Through Confusion or Hard Feelings

I know, I know…it seems everyone recommends “journaling” nowadays, often without any sort of guidance. But through a ton of trial and error, I’ve discovered the most meaningful and beneficial way to journal for self-discovery.

Often, when faced with a difficult situation, we seek external opinions and advice from friends, family members, and even the internet. I used to scour Reddit for input from random strangers before validating my own feelings. My search history once looked like…

“Is it wrong to be upset by [valid reason to be upset]?”

“Am I crazy for wanting [valid want/need]?”

“How do I handle [very complex situation that requires personal reflection and an individualized approach]?”

In other words, I was outsourcing my own identity. I didn’t let myself have an original thought or human reaction, unless it was first validated by someone else. This disconnect is common in people with OCD, but it can happen to anyone—especially in today’s highly critical world.

Instead of looking to others for answers that only I have, I began to write in my journal. First, I’d start by asking myself how, exactly, I was feeling in that moment, and whether something triggered the reaction I was experiencing. 

Then, I would ask myself how my body interpreted the signal. What narrative was I feeding myself? Was it backed by facts, or was it just an assumption?

Usually, from here, I would find a natural rhythm, almost like a conversation between me and my “higher self.” I’d go back and forth between asking and answering questions, reassuring myself when needed—but not obsessively.

Within days, I began to notice a massive difference in how I responded to external stressors. I found clarity in myself and felt less compelled to rely on someone else’s POV. After all, who’s to say someone knows me better than I know myself? And why would I value advice from random strangers (or even loved ones leading different lives than I am) more than my own?

3. Don’t Limit Yourself

When defining ourselves, many of us feel pressured to fit into a certain box or view our roles as our identities. For example, a mother of three boys might label herself a “boy mom” as if that’s all she is. An aspiring novelist might deem himself a “struggling artist” without factoring in all the other parts of himself.

Not to mention, social media makes it seem like we must fall under certain “aesthetics” or market ourselves as “brands” to find success and community. Don’t feed into this belief. You can be whoever the fuck you want to be, changing your personal style or music taste depending on your mood, shifting in and out of different “roles” as you please.

Acknowledge yourself as the multifaceted, authentic human you are—and never shrink yourself down to fit someone else’s mold.

The post 3 Simple Yet Effective Ways to Get to Know Yourself Better in 2026 appeared first on VICE.

Maybe you’re enjoying the single life, or, like me, perhaps your partner will be gone for all of October. Whatever the case, you don’t have to miss out on spooky season just because you’re dateless.

Here are 7 solo date ideas to immerse yourself in this autumn season.

1. Host a Solo Movie Night

Whether it’s horror films, Halloween classics, or fall feel-good movies, choose a theme and host a movie marathon on a chilly or rainy autumn night. Light some candles, lower the lights, and order your favorite dinner for the occasion, just as you would for a typical date night. Bonus: You can even paint or carve pumpkins during the films.

2. Take Yourself on a Coffee Date

The autumn season is notorious for its flavorful treats and drinks. Visiting your local cafe can be the perfect solo date to get in the fall spirit. Whether you order a pumpkin coffee, a chai latte, or just a regular tea with a sweet dessert, you’re sure to have a cozy day. Bring a journal or a book for further enjoyment.

3. Explore a Quaint Downtown

Do you live near a festive downtown where you can freely explore and visit various shops/eateries? If not, can you drive to one nearby? Oftentimes, even the smallest of towns offer autumn-themed festivals or decorate their streets with fall decor. Get in the spirit by window-shopping or picking up a few treats along the way.

4. Bake Autumn-Themed Desserts

I don’t know about you, but I like to treat Halloween like many people treat Christmastime. You know how many people bake tons of holiday cookies during December? I, on the other hand, enjoy baking various types of fall-inspired treats, from chai tea latte cookies to ghost-themed cupcakes to my infamous apple crisp.

If you’re a baker, get into your favorite comfy clothes and head to the kitchen for a baking night. You can even create cookie trays for your loved ones to brighten their season. 

5. Go Apple or Pumpkin Picking

If you don’t want to go apple or pumpkin picking alone, that’s totally fair. However, if you’re up for the challenge, why not get out of your comfort zone and head to your local farm? You can then bake an apple pie or crumble using the fresh fruit, or carve/paint the pumpkins to tap into your creative side.

6. Attend a Local Farmer’s Market

A less intimidating option than solo apple picking is visiting a farmer’s market. Head out early in the morning when the air is crisp, grab a latte or hot apple cider, and browse the many vendors. You never know what autumn treats or fresh produce you’ll find, or the friends you might make along the way.

6. Hike to See the Fall Foliage

If you’re active and love the outdoors, hit a local trail that boasts vibrant-colored leaves and gorgeous views. Depending on where you live, this time of the year is ideal for beautiful natural scenery. By hiking, you’ll also get a great workout.

7. Visit an Independent Bookstore

Look, I love nothing more than a good Barnes and Noble trip. However, visiting a local indie bookstore provides a sense of comfort like no other. Not only will you be supporting a small business, but you’ll also get to browse countless books you might not have spotted elsewhere. There’s no cozier solo date than a bookstore trip.

The post 7 Solo Date Ideas That Are Perfect for the Fall Season appeared first on VICE.