What do I value? What are my needs in a relationship? What do I want out of life? What are my boundaries?

These personal queries often haunt and overwhelm me, as I find myself morphing into what might be deemed “acceptable” to society.

This begs the question: How much of us is shaped by external forces and expectations? Where does our identity begin and end, and how might we draw clearer lines?

Both in therapy and along my own self-healing journey, I’ve learned more about who I am without forcing myself into a neatly labeled box. Sure, I have room to grow in this area, but my progress is a testament to honest self-reflection.

Here are some tips for getting to know yourself better—no matter how old you are.

1. Spend More Time Alone

I’m convinced the only time most of us are fully ourselves is when we’re completely alone. Perhaps that’s a depressing notion, but it has quite a simple fix.

Take yourself on solo dates or schedule some downtime to unwind without friends or loved ones around. Notice how you feel. Are you uncomfortable in your own company, or do you thrive in isolation? How are you compelled to spend your time? What kind of clothing do you wear? What type of music do you listen to? Do you catch yourself dancing or singing in your kitchen while cooking dinner? What are some quirks you pick up that you wouldn’t otherwise express in public?

The more time we spend alone, the better we get to know ourselves, and the more authentically we can show up in social situations and in our relationships. If you spend too much time around others, you might unconsciously pick up behaviors or patterns you don’t even align with. Push through the uneasiness of solitude—there’s often a lesson within that discomfort. 

2. Journal Through Confusion or Hard Feelings

I know, I know…it seems everyone recommends “journaling” nowadays, often without any sort of guidance. But through a ton of trial and error, I’ve discovered the most meaningful and beneficial way to journal for self-discovery.

Often, when faced with a difficult situation, we seek external opinions and advice from friends, family members, and even the internet. I used to scour Reddit for input from random strangers before validating my own feelings. My search history once looked like…

“Is it wrong to be upset by [valid reason to be upset]?”

“Am I crazy for wanting [valid want/need]?”

“How do I handle [very complex situation that requires personal reflection and an individualized approach]?”

In other words, I was outsourcing my own identity. I didn’t let myself have an original thought or human reaction, unless it was first validated by someone else. This disconnect is common in people with OCD, but it can happen to anyone—especially in today’s highly critical world.

Instead of looking to others for answers that only I have, I began to write in my journal. First, I’d start by asking myself how, exactly, I was feeling in that moment, and whether something triggered the reaction I was experiencing. 

Then, I would ask myself how my body interpreted the signal. What narrative was I feeding myself? Was it backed by facts, or was it just an assumption?

Usually, from here, I would find a natural rhythm, almost like a conversation between me and my “higher self.” I’d go back and forth between asking and answering questions, reassuring myself when needed—but not obsessively.

Within days, I began to notice a massive difference in how I responded to external stressors. I found clarity in myself and felt less compelled to rely on someone else’s POV. After all, who’s to say someone knows me better than I know myself? And why would I value advice from random strangers (or even loved ones leading different lives than I am) more than my own?

3. Don’t Limit Yourself

When defining ourselves, many of us feel pressured to fit into a certain box or view our roles as our identities. For example, a mother of three boys might label herself a “boy mom” as if that’s all she is. An aspiring novelist might deem himself a “struggling artist” without factoring in all the other parts of himself.

Not to mention, social media makes it seem like we must fall under certain “aesthetics” or market ourselves as “brands” to find success and community. Don’t feed into this belief. You can be whoever the fuck you want to be, changing your personal style or music taste depending on your mood, shifting in and out of different “roles” as you please.

Acknowledge yourself as the multifaceted, authentic human you are—and never shrink yourself down to fit someone else’s mold.

The post 3 Simple Yet Effective Ways to Get to Know Yourself Better in 2026 appeared first on VICE.

And then, right on time, someone you totally don’t want to talk to wants to talk to you. Or invite you “for a drink.” Slide into your DMs over and over again. Or hit on you. Perhaps all of these things. Classic.

Sure, human interaction is all well and good, right? But, so is returning to the solace of your home to watch Netflix and vape. I’m sure some social butterflies are reading this wondering who would be so sour on humanity that they’d need advice on escape plans. This probably isn’t for you.

Make up an elaborate excuse.

Just please do not make up one that is about a loved one getting seriously injured in an accident or having cancer. That shit is not even believable and most definitely will give you bad karma, if that is something that really exists.

Mute them.

As someone who recently started using the “mute” button on iMessage conversations, I can tell you that this is an escape tool everyone should have in their pocket. Annoying clueless person can send you all of the messages they want, but none of these will lead to an anxiety-provoking notification popping up on your screen. When you’re ready, you can look at your “text message conversation,” which may actually just look like a person talking to themselves, and consider if blocking is necessary.

Get on a pretend phone call.

An unnamed VICE staffer discussed one of his go-to escape tactics:

“I do this thing where I make pretend phone calls just to leave a joint without talking to people… because I want to leave the joint without talking to people. It’s that simple. I don’t want your “see ya later” or accidental fist-bump-shake. I’m just done. If it’s the middle of the day, and I’m hugging the phone towards the door, I’m not coming back.”

Look at your phone, pretend you got an important message, and walk away from the situation.

Like the last one, with a twist. Sometimes looking at your phone with an expression of alarm on your face and running to the bathroom is more believable than being on a phone call in the year of 2018.

Ghost.

An evergreen way to avoid people. Just be aware that some call this behaviour “abusive” now. But, if someone is making you feel really uncomfortable and not respecting your boundaries, plus you think they’ll act irrational or even violent if you tell them how you really feel, sometimes you just have to. If that’s the case, do not waste your time feeling bad about it. Looking out for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of.

“Work is just so crazy busy right now, sorry!”

This isn’t even an excuse because it probably is just the truth if you’re an adult who works.

Just say “no.”

Saying “no” is an underrated form of self care. You don’t need to agree to every social engagement or entertain every person who flirts with you. Sometimes, bluntly declining is just the move. Unfortunately, some people are super persistent—especially those who really want to have sex with or date you and can’t take a hint. If someone can’t take no for an answer, that is a serious red flag. You probably do not want this person in your life, even on the periphery. Abort.

Reschedule.

Maybe you’re just not feeling it today. But if you have to reschedule on someone over and over, that’s a sign that you probably don’t care about having them around. It’s best to be straightforward if you can be and let them know you’re not interested in spending time with them if it gets to the point of serial rescheduling.

Block them on every form of social media (and their phone number) and act like you don’t know who they are when you run into them.

This option is for when the mute button and your suspicious lack of replies somehow does not send a clear signal. What you’re experiencing may even be considered harassment. Word of advice while we’re at it: If someone ignores message after message from you, it is most likely because they are not interested in talking to you and not because their phone is broken.

Change your life so that you don’t have to interact with them.

Seems extreme, but if someone is repetitively invading your personal space and time, maybe it’s time to look at other options. Do you need to change jobs? Social circles? Move? Take a break from social media?

Maybe just tell them the truth about how you’re feeling.

Honesty really can be the best policy sometimes. But if this person can’t accept rejection (like that person who just doesn’t get that you have no friend chemistry) feel free to opt for a more sinister escape plan. When someone doesn’t respect your truth and always prioritizes their feelings, they have no place in your life.

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@kat_george

Previously – Reasons to Fuck a Guy on the First Date

The post Rubbing One Out with a Roommate appeared first on VICE.